TAILIEUCHUNG - Basic skill for colledge 6

Tham khảo tài liệu 'basic skill for colledge 6', ngoại ngữ, anh ngữ phổ thông phục vụ nhu cầu học tập, nghiên cứu và làm việc hiệu quả | IMPORTANT WRITING PRACTICE This paragraph needs to be broken into two paragraphs each with a clearer focus and development around one main idea. Fourth the paragraphs do offer examples and details but the paragraphs especially the second one need to be reworked and transitions need to be added to give the entire essay a logical order and organizational pattern. Transitions are the words and phrases that move your essay from point to point. Words such as first second third then also consequently are examples of transitions. And finally the last paragraph tries to restate the opening but it is very awkward and confusing. It needs to be rewritten. If we were using a standard set of criteria to evaluate this draft it would be considered a marginal piece of writing. The author might be placed in a developmental writing class. However if the student writer took the extra time a little revising could save this essay from failure. Here is a sample revision for the essay. PROBLEMS IN PUBLIC EDUCATION There are many problems facing public education today because overcrowding causes violence large class size prevents real learning and insufficient funding reduces meaningful course offerings. School boards must pay attention to these problems if we are ever going to solve them. I have just finished four years of public high school and I can speak first hand on each of these issues. First public schools today are overcrowded which leads to violence. Trying to move from class to class you realize that the halls are crowded and could be really dangerous. People get pushed and shoved and tempers get ugly. There are fights that break out all the time and sometimes those fights get carried away from school. You read in the newspapers all the time about school shootings and some of those serious incidents started in small ways because the school was just too big. School administrators don t want to care if the problem moves off school grounds but unless they make the schools smaller

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